dear sadness,

very often you come out of the blue. sometimes there is a small sharp thing that i see or experience that brings you out. sometimes it doesnt seem like any reason at all. maybe the light of the day. being tired. drinking too much coffee.
sometimes you feel deep and hurt all over. and i can't seem to shake you no matter what i do. sometimes you feel more manageable and i can do things like write to make you seem like you are not so painful. or at least turn you into another thing which is still sadness but in disguise.

tonight you are here. and i'm just sitting with you. and i know tomorrow you will be gone again because it is that kind now. a bit elusive.

but you know, i'd never want you gone forever. you are all tied up into the beauty that is life. and feeling something hard is better then being numbed out.
plus you make my heart feel soft always. and i want it to be that way always.


lesley