Dear Scabs,

You are awesome and have crazy eyebrows:

and I think you kind of rock.

But you know how you climb the tree and come up on my roof EVERY single night after I get home from work? And you know how I'm a sucker and open the door and let you play in my hallway with the crinkle-mouse for like 10 minutes and then put you back outside and then 2 minutes later you're back up on the roof again and I ignore you for a while but then you happen to see me sneak by the curtains and you start meowing and I bring you in again just cuz I feel bad cuz it's cold and you are a dummi just sitting there collecting snow and I take you back down and put you forcibly in the cat shelter and then TWO MINUTES LATER YOU'RE BACK ON THE ROOF AGAIN and I decide it's time for tough love and ignore you so then you meow a tthe top of your lungs until I worry my neighbor's gonna get pissed and (mrrrrrrrrf) I take you downstairs again and back out and then TWO MINUTES LATER, you guessed it, you're back on the roof again so I pour myself a glass of wine and run a hot bath and sit in the bathtub with music playing so loudly so I can't hear you meowing and finally you go away but not before getting Zooey all crazy so I have to listen to her play screaming-ball at the top of her lungs when I really really REALLY just wanna relax and then finally it's bedtime and I'm like "yay quiet!" until you decide to show back up on my roof at 2:30 a.m. and do it again? Well, yeah, if you could stop that, that would be AWESOME. Cause it kind of makes me feel like I'm in a really short and catty-version of GROUNDHOG'S DAY.

Sincerely,

Lauren

Admirer of Your Brows and Wisher That'd You'd Just SLEEP IN THE DAMN CAT SHELTER