Sincerely Worded Letter

2011-10-13T20:54:00.000-07:00

dear people i see every morning from the train, in the windows of the dentist office building, leaned back in the dentist chair,

no matter how rough a morning i'm having, you always make me feel better.
because hey, at least i'm not you.

xo
L

2011-09-10T20:28:00.001-07:00

dear sincerely worded letter blog,

i've not been meaning to neglect you. you are the bees knees
for my mind. it's just well...being in school and all...i know i know
it's a weak excuse, but maybe if you were giving me deadlines or
assignments i'd be better at updating you. just a suggestion...
you know i work better under pressure.

maybe come winter break when i don't have short stories and poems and comics
to keep me going and i'm very depressed and miserable because, i will be better at
spending time with you.

i mean, look, i guess i just made a post right now.

so give me a break huh!?

lesley

2011-06-22T20:25:00.001-07:00

dear all the annoying bills we as adults have to pay, all the time spent talking to customer service reps on the phone, all the mistakes the big companies make constantly that we have to spend precious hours of our lives trying to correct only to find out they weren't fixed, all the ways they try screwing you over, all the ways they try to squeeze every little penny out of you at the expense of respect and dignity, all the things we have to deal with that are so the opposite of living,

2011-05-30T21:37:00.000-07:00

dear first true chicago summer night,

you are cool breeze dripping in my window as i sit at my desk after the thick sun grilling day sweat in my clothes. you are wanna lie naked in the grass or stretched out on the carpet of our sunroom. you are smelling like flowers and barbequeing and excitement about the long stretch of beautiful days and nights ahead. and somehow, at almost midnight, you are still children shrieking, running and playing on my block.

welcome summer.

lesley

2011-05-17T22:57:00.000-07:00

dear gustavo santolalla,

i am rocking on your music lately. you compose some hauntingly beautiful songs.
brokeback mountain. babel. motorcycle diaries (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlaCn1VEM1Y). north country. just to name a few...

L

2011-05-17T22:54:00.001-07:00

dear new writing room,

the only desk i really had was the crappy fake wood baby sized one growing up. so to have a whole desk with many drawers to put many random things! ah-mazing. you are small but you are pretty much perfect. best of all, to have a big ole window to people watch or storm watch whilst i imagine stories.

i plan to get lots o writing done in you this summer.
get ready!...

L

2011-04-25T22:08:00.001-07:00

oh ani,

from angsty high school stoned staring at the wall in my bedroom listenings...to not so angsty anymore (well a little still) lying in bed listening to my headphones when i just can't fall asleeps.

i will never stop loving your music.

your lyrics never fail to make me go "daaang"

L

2011-04-24T22:41:00.000-07:00

dear "smelly cat face"

you never fail to make my day.
the bigger the better.

L

2011-04-24T22:36:00.000-07:00

dear cake,

you are my favorite food group. if you were a food group. it's a damn shame you aren't.

i am including a picture of me enjoying you. a banana torte you.
see how happy i am? maybe it will help persuade you to send me more.

your biggest fan

2011-04-24T22:33:00.000-07:00

oh spring,

come the hell on already. i know it's chicago and all that funky weather business. but these rainy cold days are really wearing me down. just a little greenery. just a little sun. some birds singing. breeze in the windows. getting to open the windows at all.

get it.

lesley

2011-03-11T18:36:00.000-08:00

dear watoto from the nile,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-T-FVR0WZw

wow.

sincerely,

lesley

2011-03-07T20:10:00.000-08:00

dear roseanne,

man, you were such a good t.v. show. i totally forgot just how great you were.i watched you like all the time. hilarious and one of the first really true to life shows i can remember watching. you dealt with stuff that was really pretty awesome to deal with with a sense of humor. the struggle of making a living. the truth of the difficulty dealing with teenagers (in a non-hokey way). how annoying teenagers can actually be :). you were just real you know. and man is that early 90s fashion awesome.

p.s. it it so weird hearing a laugh track!

lesley

2011-02-28T22:31:00.000-08:00

dear david shrigley,

your art is my new favorite thing to look at while procrastinating.

truly,
lesley

2011-02-28T22:21:00.000-08:00

dear oscars 2011,

after an hour spent trying to watch you online, you were not even that great. i've always taken you with a grain of salt. you are so extravangant and fancy, it makes me a little grossed out, what so much money is spent on. plus... i mean only 7 winners in the past 73 years of oscars have been given to african americans. enough said.

but...i almost always can't help but watch you every year because well....i love movies and most things movie related (except the crazy new prices to go see an actual movie in the theater). but i find myself constantly disappointed at your predictability and your lack of ever picking anything new or daring or original.

i personally like movies that make me feel strongly. that can be difficult to watch, that tackle things that matter. that i find myself changed by just watching. that leave me with something important at the end. that make it worth the 12 bucks i just spent.

i know you aren't the be all end all for the people who make movies such as i've just described. They make them because they also love movies in that way, because they want to do all those things. And they will continue on doing films that rock, regardless of the awards...

So at least, thank the film heavens for that.

Lesley

2011-02-24T20:32:00.001-08:00

oh christopher guest mockumentaries,

you are like comfort food to my soul.
you never fail to make me laugh out loud.

yours,

lesley

p.s. make some more will ya?

2011-02-21T19:47:00.000-08:00

oh eddie izzard....

sooooooooo hot

not to mention hilarious.

your fan,
lesley d

2011-02-20T22:36:00.000-08:00

dear quotations,

why do i love thee so? oh i just do i do i do! i've probably written you a letter before but my love grows no less and so here...let me show you some reasons why...

Write only if you cannot live without writing. Write only what you alone can write. ~ Elie Wiesel

Love the writing, love the writing, love the writing… the rest will follow. ~ Jane Yolen

My happiness streams from having wrenched a piece out of my life, a piece of hurt and beauty, and transformed it into typewritten words.—Sylvia Plath

A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness. ~Robert Frost

oh words, you slay me, you do.

xo
lesley

2011-02-19T16:37:00.001-08:00

dear birthday,

age is so strange don't you think? i mean it is just another day but now i am officially twenty eight years on this earth (sometimes feeling like i'm not on it too!) do i feel any different? well i feel different every day i suppose. do i feel like an "adult"? sometimes when i'm buying toilet paper, but luckily more often not.

i would like to thank my mom for having me. i'd like to thank all the folks who make my life so brilliant all the time. all the small things that are such a miracle to see, feel, and experience. i'd like to show my gratitude for all those who have helped me manage to make it this far, including my own self :) i'd like to thank all the folks whom gave me sweet presents, and left me fun messages, (including my mom's awesome original bday song ones!) and my gf for the amazing cake (see post below :)

lesley d.

2011-02-19T14:37:00.001-08:00

dear kopi cafe banana torte cake,

you know i loooooooove cake in general.
but... i don't even like banana flavored things, so
man oh man, you are above and beyond one of the most amazing
cakes that i have ever tasted. you are perfection
in cake form.

mmmmmm,
lesley

2011-02-19T14:34:00.000-08:00

oh glee,

why are you so awesome? (and gaaaay)
thank you for being only in your second season so that i can watch
so much more of you.

yep,
L

2011-02-08T20:20:00.000-08:00

dear mug of red wine and steaming hot bath,

after the bone chillin cold outside,
you are all i needed.

ahhhh,
lesley

p.s. who has a wood bathtub?

2011-02-07T00:14:00.000-08:00

dear party bus,

why are you so dang expensive? can't two friends rent a simple party bus for them and some of their friends and not pay 300 bucks an hour for it? why also does your inside look so disco-y?

also, why tonight were we so stuck on the party bus idea for our joint birthday bash when i have never once, not once had an urge to ride in a party bus? especially after seeing them downtown all during the summer cruising with a bunch of drunk douchebags hanging out the windows. i mean yikes party bus. yikes.

L

2011-02-07T00:09:00.000-08:00

dear melatonin,

in addition to being a natural chemical in the body, thank you for also
coming in pill form. you have been helping my insomnia and making me sleep like a baby. or rather like a drooly homer simpson (see above).
you also make me have some trrrrippy dreams. but you do not leave me groggy.
it's all good mel.

lovesies,
L

2011-02-01T23:51:00.000-08:00

dear lost,

well my dear friend. i finally finished watching you. after what like two years or something? and only a year or so behind everyone else in the world.
what can i say? you made me get teary eyed (seriously like all the time) and i almost across the board hate television shows.

you were actually fascinating and made me think. from beginning to end. you made me ponder life and love and what is meant to be and why we are here and what i would do in any number of tough situations. and whether or not the people we meet in our lives we have met before/are meant to constantly meet again and again. and what makes a good person. and what we would do for the people we've grown to love. what sacrifices we would make to save others. how we could change. how we might be different depending on the circumstances, on the smallest thing...

okkkk....i am going to stop before i get too cheesy up in here.
i am sad you are done. but glad you were.

lesley

2011-02-01T23:28:00.000-08:00

dear blizzard of 2011,

thunder? lightning? in the middle of winter? sideways falling snow?
snow snow and more snow? work off and a warm apartment and a cuddly cat?
i can't complain too much. you are kind of awesome.

just hope all those people/animals who are braving it outside are safe and
make it through...

p.s. why would you know the storm is coming, then get in your car and drive if you didn't have to? and then complain that the city isn't rescuing you fast enough from your stranded vehicle on a highway they kept saying would be flooded? let the city workers who have to be out in this craziness focus on helping people who have no choice but to be out in it.

2011-02-01T23:25:00.000-08:00

dear joseph gordon levitt,

why are you such a stone cold dreamboat?

who knows who cares. yum.

L

2010-12-24T21:36:00.000-08:00

dear upstairs neighbors,

i don't really consider myself a humbug or a scrooge or whatever. i'm ok with christmas and i'm ok with accepting that if you got some family over, things are probably going to be a tad bit louder. but.......

SERIOUSLY. THIS IS LIKE THE SIXTH STRAIGHT HOUR WHERE IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE GOING TO COME THROUGH MY CEILING. I MEAN WHAT ARE YOU BOWLING? PRACTICING STUNTS? HOW MANY KIDS ARE THERE UP THERE ANYWAYS? ARE YOU KILLING EACH OTHER? REPEATEDLY? AND WHY AT 11:40 AT NIGHT IS IT EVEN LOUDER? WITH MUSIC NOW. AND REALLY SHITTY MUSIC AT THAT. OH GREAT...NOW IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE DANCING AND I AM WRITING IN ALL CAPS NOW!

ok. lower case again. but you are for real making me lose my mind slowly.

HELP!

your downstairs neighbor who is going insane

2010-12-04T12:07:00.000-08:00

dear snow,

you are the first of the year and thus very pretty to look out my window at, indeed.
but i know come march, i will be probably very through with you. over it.
so i thought i'd write whilst i'm still feeling good :)

lesley

2010-12-01T17:08:00.000-08:00

dear hope,

ok..so now you got a little...no. down a little. on your nose.
your nose. it's hanging on... ok. that's fine. whatever.
forget it.

lesley

2010-11-30T23:53:00.001-08:00

dear no one in particular,

you know how sometimes just the randomest things can make you feel sad so sharply and all the sudden that it like knocks the breath out of you?

tonight, looking at cabins online, for a possible overnight trip...looking at the lists of amenities available and then reading this:

"stocked refrigerator with 6 sodas ---- $12"

and that made me feel exactly that. who knows why, but it did.
life is so strange. and small. and odd.

(i'm also still awake and its 2 a.m., a very strange, emotional hour anyways...)

yours,
lesley

2010-11-29T17:06:00.000-08:00

dear wrap around ear muffs,

everyone. and i mean everyone... who wears you, is a complete total homosexual.

for real,
lesley

2010-11-24T22:52:00.000-08:00

dear quote "if the only prayer you ever say in your whole life is "thank you," that would suffice" (meister eckhart),

you are very true and you are very applicable today especially.

yours,
mr. d

2010-11-24T22:44:00.000-08:00

dear "learning" by perfume genius (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mqbl2oaKa8)

you are my fave new song. hope i don't play you out.
but i am sure i shall...

sincerely,
lesley

p.s. thanks sara!

2010-11-17T00:00:00.000-08:00

2010-11-16T23:16:00.001-08:00

dear lynda barry!

it was sooo glorious getting to see you twice in two days! you are a zillions times funnier and more awesome then i could have possibly imagined. i feel like lately i've been a tad bit burned out with being in school, but hearing you speak got me energized and inspired again. i really really dig what you said today about in your workshops always being close to people when they read their work and then telling people good! good! when they read it outloud.

in the craziness that is art school, i think it can be easy to feel overwhelmed with feedback, with people always talking about "good" and "bad" writing and telling you to change this or revise that. it is hard sometimes to remember that the process of writing, of creating, is what is amazing. is what makes it meaningful. and also to care for your art like a baby. you gave the analogy of popping out a baby and then demanding the baby to win you an award, or get you published, etc. and it made me laugh. because sometimes i see students in art school acting like that. plus seemingly being very unexcited about both their own art and the process. but i've always felt that writing (and reading) for me, is a enormous part of what makes life meaningful for me, what keeps me going. what has allowed me to get this far. it's so strange sometimes to watch people make art like they don't really care about it, when it has always felt for me like the one thing left to hang on to when all else goes to shit.

it also hit me today at the roundtable, when people were asking their questions, how much art school supports this idea of good and bad art. it was my big fear going into school for writing that it would take all the fun out of it. would make it this thing that was totally dry and devoid of anything worthwhile. i think it is easy (and costly) to fall into that.

but listening to you today made me feel not so worried. because i love writing! i love the process! and i don't want "my babies" to get me fame or fortune or pats on the back from professors, or awards. i just want to connect with other people, to make people feel not so alone, not so lonely, since that's what writing and reading has done for me since i was little. i want to give that back. and i can't help it, i gotta write! and i don't think i can ever be persuaded to not do it, or not get something out of it.

so thanks lynda for doing what you do. for being such an amazing human being. for spreading the wealth that is your thoughts and feelings about art. thanks for coming and speaking and making me laugh till i had tears in my eyes. thanks for being so sincere and down to earth. thanks for showing us your "party trick" of singing with your mouth closed. that was wild! thanks for your laugh which is the best thing ever. and thanks for giving me lots o hope that there are still people out there who encourage the kid part of everyone and being open to creativity and to playing. people who truly live their art and won't and can't ever give it up.

rock and roll,
lesley :)

2010-11-10T21:01:00.000-08:00

dear "Woman Assaults Cop With Sex Toy In Chicago Suburb" newspaper headline,

you are totally so amazing, i don't even need to like, read the actual story.

sincerely,
lesley

p.s. but i still will. because i mean, come on, that's awesome.

2010-11-10T16:17:00.000-08:00

dear hope,

you got a little something on your....no, to the right a little.
nope. more to the left. the left.
ok never mind. no worries. it's cool.

2010-11-10T16:03:00.001-08:00

dear pesto,

i have been addicted to you lately. i never really cared for you before, i have to confess. your odd green mush-ness always kind of weirded me out. kind of like my past aversion to avocados. plus i never really knew what you were made of. and then i realized you were made of basil, which i never really acknowledged either..even though i have a whole basil plant, given to me by a lovely friend, that has hung on for years, even though i kill most plants (poor mitten cactus :(
but now, i just want you on every kind of pasta i make. you are still very odd, but i've become fond of you.

keep grooving,
lesley

2010-11-10T15:54:00.001-08:00

dear sky dancers,

i don't know why but you guys tickle my fancy so much! the jaunty way you move
and snap forward and back. the way your hair blows wild. how you always have a
smile on your faces. the way your arms lift to the sky and waggle around.
you never fail to make my day. and there must be a sale on you recently because
i've been seeing you everywhere! you are definitely on my list of things that
make me happy! so get your dance on, sky dancers, get it!

loves,
lesley

2010-11-09T15:23:00.001-08:00

dear people on the el,

yes, it pretty much always looks creeps when you wear sunglasses on the subway and/or when you are inside.

give it some thought...
thanks.

l

2010-11-03T11:10:00.000-07:00

dear united states,

why does it seem that if we took all the time and energy spent towards politics, towards the campaigning and stupid fighting and being elected brouhaha...if we instead of all the media talk and articles written and talking heads talking, if we took all that time and energy... all the people involved and the time they have expended....

that we might, just might, actually solve some of the problems !!??

l

2010-11-01T15:53:00.001-07:00

dear health insurance,

you are hands down (and one middle finger up)the most confusing thing ever invented. and that is above student loans and credit cards. my sneaky insurance seems to be quite a person on the run, going by three different names "student assurance services", "AIP student insurance" and "beech street".
oh wait, yes. that last one when i called them insisted they weren't "an insurance company"...very interesting...and news to me!

also fascinating is somehow having less health care options after insurance. getting denied an appointment this morning because no one could tell me if they actually took my insurance (though a person on the phone at the same place later told me they did!). and yet being told by the insurance company (no..sorry! the alias faux beech street) after getting the tax id number of the doctor's place...that it was not in their provider network. so after many phone calls and internet searches, it seems that dear insurance, you are not taken by my doctor (but actually they do take you so they say). but since the doc's isn't in the preferred provider network, (but has a 70 percent out of network co-insurance) that it doesn't matter if you are in or out, just what you gotta pay. and you are gonna pay more...

is your head spinning yet? mine sure is!!!

also fun is being told you must CALL the nurse triage line with questions when you are standing probably twenty feet from the nurses!
good times.

oh insurance you naughty insurance. i wish i never had you.
why must you be oh so complicated!!!

answer me that you fucker.
lesley

2010-07-20T13:01:00.001-07:00

dear ally sheedy,

you look like sara. betcha didn't know that.
well now you do.
the end.

sincerely,
lesley

2010-07-20T12:53:00.000-07:00

dear leslie hall,

here i am today on my day off lying on the couch and watching your youtube music videos. and i dont even watch youtube! but boy do they make me crack up! i really can say i've never seen anything like them. your sweet style and fabulous dance moves are by far the best around. your tight pants/body rolls video was both creep-tastic and totally glorious. i just laugh and laugh and laugh. and there aren't that many things that make me chuckle so much. i hope one day soon you come back to chicago to perform. yes indeedy it's an honor to have the same name as you (well almost the same..)

you are hilar,
lesley

2010-05-20T20:28:00.000-07:00

dear animals,

why do you have to melt my heart? every last species of you. you are so amazing and generally so cute and astounding and just well... not human....and any time anything bad happens to you i just want to go and sit in my room for a month and wail and punch things.

you are so much better then people mostly all of the time. you are beautiful. and both simple and complex. and have these whole huge lives that most people don't even see or think about or consider as valuable. and are so different and interesting and gorgeous and sometimes sad and wise seeming.

i wish i could save all of you. and just leave you the hell alone to do your thing. to live how you live. well unless you are my cat, then i wanna snuggle at least a little :)

why is it that i love you so madly?

xoxoxo,
lesley

2010-05-20T20:19:00.000-07:00

dear adam lambert,

you know...i'm all about fags, but you just kind of majorly suck.
i mean way to pretend you are like sooo underground and edgy when uh...you were on american idol. which is like as mainstream shitty as you can get. and i always wanna love on some gays when i see them being out and proud in the mainstream...but well i could kind of care less about you but then i read an article where you were dissing some other musician who i personally think is as cute and sincere as it gets...and you were all pretending you were so like hip and above all that. and i just wanted to say...look at you. you are lame-o with a capital L. and being a radical queer isn't just thinking you are so scandalous with your hair. and your gloves. and your dance moves. and your album that everyone will buy and then toss aside in a month.

maybe i'm just getting tired of so few gays being out and proud in the mass media. and maybe i shouldn't get mad at the ones that are...but hell a douchebag is a douchebag. but then i guess i'm just falling for the gossip and "we really care" attitude around stuff that i really don't care about!

i don't know. you still are crappy.

sincerely,
not your number one fan
lesley

2010-05-06T20:17:00.000-07:00

dear sadness,

very often you come out of the blue. sometimes there is a small sharp thing that i see or experience that brings you out. sometimes it doesnt seem like any reason at all. maybe the light of the day. being tired. drinking too much coffee.
sometimes you feel deep and hurt all over. and i can't seem to shake you no matter what i do. sometimes you feel more manageable and i can do things like write to make you seem like you are not so painful. or at least turn you into another thing which is still sadness but in disguise.

tonight you are here. and i'm just sitting with you. and i know tomorrow you will be gone again because it is that kind now. a bit elusive.

but you know, i'd never want you gone forever. you are all tied up into the beauty that is life. and feeling something hard is better then being numbed out.
plus you make my heart feel soft always. and i want it to be that way always.

lesley

2010-04-24T20:04:00.001-07:00

dear little caesars pizza,

you are definitely not as horrible as i remember you. i think i have this memory of either you or hmmm...another cheapo pizza place, not papa johns, oh i can't think this late! anyways, where basically they were redoing the inside of the restaurant. painting or caulking or some construction-y type thing and it smelled just awful.when we were there trying to eat. like chemicals. sour. and so eating your pizza also tasted like toxic fumes. and since then i put you and that memory together. which i don't think is unreasonable.

however, tonight i got your 5 dollar large ready to go pizza and dipped it in that garlic butter sauce that is so disgusting it is heavenly, and you were actually quite good. hit the spot in fact.

so shut my mouth,

lesley

2010-04-24T18:54:00.000-07:00

dear stormy weather,

you are pretty awesome. so much that the lights just flickered in my apartment. you are fierce and rainy and windy and are banging my old windows like no prob. and just knocked the alleyway lights completely out. and you know after seeing twister, or heck maybe before that...i've always wanted to see a tornado up close and personal. not to like glorify them or anything but well i imagine they are one of the most horribly beautiful things ever to see. the power of mother nature and her bad-ass fuck all ya'll ways. there is something just so mind-blowing about how we are all so small compared to the earth and its mighty ways.
so i know that i live in chicago and a tornado in the city would be near impossible...but maybe just a lil one?

your fan,
lesle b lesleton

p.s. a lil lightning even would be lovely. just sayin...

2010-04-24T18:52:00.001-07:00

Dear man at Starbucks on Lawrence that tried to help me last Tuesday,

You were a very nice man. I don't know who you are or if I'll ever see you again, but I really really appreciate you standing up and trying to help me. You had no idea what you were getting yourself into and not a lot of people would have done what you did. You saw that I was being threatened and felt very unsafe and you put yourself in danger to try to help me. I really want to thank you: THANK YOU. I hope you know that I appreciated your help. Keep standing up to violence!

Sara

2010-04-10T19:12:00.000-07:00

dear hopes,

you are a nut! that is why i love you so! among many other reasons. just wanted to say hey and that i'm not mad that you jammed your mouse into the crack in the wall. i tried to get it back even with the vacuum. but it doesn't matter now since you got a new one (and two hand-made ones). i am excited for my friends and mum to meet you since they have not yet. i hope they smother you with all the love that i do. and hmmm...that you don't smack and scratch them too much. i mean try to reign it in a little if you could. you are such a sweets face. i never get enough of your antics. here you are sitting next to me now paws all curled in and tail all fluffy. paws so pink. just wanted to remind ya how much i adore ya.

yours L

2010-04-09T15:29:00.001-07:00

dear cell phone culture,

now..i know we have never been that tight. but every time i see a parent totally ignoring their kid to text, a customer in line blabbing on their cell instead of talking to the customer service person, or someone on the train not looking up once from their cell the whole ride, i can't help feeling that you are a total jerk face.

some may say that i am anti-technology or old fashioned, but that's not altogether true..sure i may talk like a grampa sometimes but i love email, the interweb (heck im typing on it now) and atms and watching the x-files on netflix as much as the next guy.

i think the beautiful thing about technology is that it can connect us over long distances and perhaps allow us to break down differences and share perspectives more freely. and learn about various things accessibly. and sometimes spend less time on things that take up our time that aren't always that fun.

however, when the technology becomes the thing that is taking up our time and we forget to look around, or have actual human contact, miss out on people/city scenery watching on the train, or the words of our kids. when we would rather talk on the phone then have a conversation with the person we are right in front of. this is when you become a big ole problem.

i feel like i've been pretty patient with you. i don't hate on anyone who simply owns a cell phone. that's not what i have a beef with. even though alot of folks seem to get defensive when i say i don't have a cell phone! i'm not saying that i hate anyone for it!!! because it's what you do with it, you know...

so all i'm saying is. put it down sometimes. often. look around. send a snail mail letter. leave it at home. pay attention. talk to the people around you. don't yell on it loudly on the train. don't leave your friend feeling bored and awkward while you blab on it.

and don't make the mistake of thinking you can't live without it.

sincerely,
lesley d

2010-04-07T19:22:00.000-07:00

dear guy on the train yesterday who had his flannel shirt tucked into his fruit of the loom undies and them pulled so far up you could see half of them,

you made my day.
and not in a "laugh at you" kind of way...but a "isn't life funny and oddly beautiful" kind of way.

sincerely,
lesle

2010-03-30T16:30:00.000-07:00

dear financial aid paperwork,

you are awful. just awful. i mean i know you are getting me mad money in the end, but i feel dizzy and slightly cross-eyed trying to get you done.

lesley

p.s. you make my brain hurt.

2010-03-30T08:38:00.001-07:00

dear my new crazy quilt pillow top bed,

you know you are my first. my first bed that i have bought for myself. and boy are you worth every penny. you not only have a very fancy cool name but you are also so comfortable that i sigh every time that i lie down on you. you are also lifted off the ground, which is new for me too. since i've been a mattress and box spring on the ground kind of guy for years. so hope can go under you now and look cute when she crawls on her belly looking like a frog.

so, i am glad i sprung for the whole deal plus the pillow top. because you are just amazing. doesn't mean i'm getting any longer amounts of sleep, but boy the hours i do get are quite heavenly.

your biggest fan,
lesley

2010-03-24T19:20:00.000-07:00

dear cheryl,

i was just thinking about you tonight and thinking how crazy it is to know someone as long as i've known you. i mean since we were in 2nd grade! we did girl scouts together, drooled over boys together (and still need to do that sometime :), traded video games and toys, requested songs on the radio in middle school, diggin the x-files, saw the backstreet boys numerous times, man...i just have all these fun memories of stuff we did. laughs we had. trouble we got into.

and you know i just always thought that you were like the coolest person. you were always somehow meeting famous folks and getting your pics with them :) and beyond that...you were just always so warm and kind and sweet and such a good sense of humor and so confident it always seemed. so adventurous. and you know.. just truly one of a kind. i mean i couldn't have imagined any other possibility then you taking the world by storm. which you are with your world-traveling and experiencing self!

so anyways, i was just thinking of you because i was looking at some of your pics tonight on facebook and it just really flooded me that feeling of just knowing someone so bad-ass, so special, that it just feels like it was meant to be. that i was meant to really just have the amazing luck to know such a person exists. and more then that, is such a good friend!!

so..we totally got to make it happen that we travel together. either a visit to you or a travel together. you KNOW we would have a blast like no other!

i love you. to pieces. thanks for still after all these decades :) being my friend.

lesley

2010-03-22T10:42:00.001-07:00

dear having monday and tuesday off,

recently i was given the choice of having the weekend off instead. but you know...i just had to say no. because there is something so amazingly satisfying about waking up and lying lazy in bed when all the monday thru friday 9-5 suckers are getting their asses up and going back to work. today when i left my apartment eventually (after lying in bed for an hour just "resting my eyes") to get dunkin donuts, it was so quiet on the streets and glowy sunny and i thought now this is what i'm talking about. no weekend crowded streets. i later sat in the sun in my chair with my cat rolling around on the rug and sipped coffee and read the papes whilst watching some electricity guys fix stuff on the building behind mine. suckers.

lesley

2010-03-17T14:15:00.000-07:00

dear howard stern,

you know, i never gave you much thought. because well..you generally did not deserve my time and energy. but recently i read a few things about your recent comments about one fabulous actress...and i gotta say it got me all fired up. luckily i read a editorial by a columnist that basically said what i would like to say to you...so that rised me down a little.

however or perhaps, in addition, what i wanted to say is this:
i imagine you consider yourself a very radical person. very shocking and progressive. very liberal with your "scandalous" talk shows and your dumb antics. but your comments, proved very much again just how much you are mistaken if you are thinking that. like it is really earth-shattering to have another fat-phobic, misogynistic, douchebag straight white guy in this world. wow. how electrifying.

i am all for free speech but it seems to me now and days, that what is truly radical, what is surprisingly shocking and what really will shake things up and change things...is hmmm...let's see...well anyone who thinks outside the box. who challenges all the gazillions of ways in which people are fucked over or disrespected. and though it might sound cheesy, it seems that kindness and love are less common and are what we really need a whole big lot of. not stupid petty tirades inflicted on people who i am sure have heard it already enough. because it's hard to use one's brain and unlearn all the bull we've been taught. it's hard to love yourself and it's hard to love others. but i do believe it is a challenge that is not optional if we are to get anywhere in this world.

i'm not sure what mark you think/hope that you are leaving on the world. maybe you think years and years from now people will marvel at all your "spectacular insights" on the world at large. but i've always loved the quote... "people may not remember what you did or said, but they will always remember how you made them feel."
so ask yourself...are you making people feel better? are you striving to leave people feeling happy or connected or loved or respected or at the very least challenged?

because years from now, howard, no one is going to remember your "dime a dozen" comments. no one is going to remember your insistence that you have a right to say whatever you want because after all we have free speech in this country. no one is going to care. and no one is going to remember you.

so yeah, that's about all the time and energy you deserve from me.

lesley danger

2010-03-17T14:14:00.000-07:00

Dear Folks Who Keep Chickens in Their Backyards,

I recently had a lovely afternoon nap in the garage of my Australian editor and it was possibly one of my all time favourite naps. There was a light breeze whussling through, the clean good smell of eucalyptus (yes. I know it's been compared to the smell of cat piss, but I like it and don't think it smells like that at all), and best of all, oh, absolutely best of all, the pleasing buck, buck, buck of the backyard flock of chickens. The ladies were busy foraging for bugs and bits of wilted lettuce, but they never fought or squabbled. As I slept, their voices formed a sort of hammock of sound, rocking me gently. I must say, folks who keep chickens in your backyards, you definitely have the right idea. An easy way to increase peace in the world.

Some kind of genius, you chicken keeping folks.

(from goldie)

2010-02-24T15:47:00.000-08:00

dear lady gaga,

i don't care what anyone says, i think you RULE!!!

your not so secret fan,
lesley d.

2010-02-24T15:35:00.000-08:00

dear old apartment,

when it comes down to it you were a pretty sweet place to live for two years. definitely old. definitely a bit falling apart-y. but you carry a lot of memories you do. i've had two different kit kats live in you. i've stopped dating someone very lovely whilst living in you. i also met and started dating two amazing folks whilst living in you. i could watch the airplanes fly in over the lake while lying on my couch. and i could see the beautiful neon aldi sign right out my window. you have the absolute best people watching view ever. third floor looking out onto a main street above a bar. you had character. you had a separate bedroom. you were pretty quiet all in all.

i mean....we've had our rough times. let's be honest.. the bathroom renovation nastiness. the someone stealing my birthday packages-ness. the assorted bugs. the falling apart kitchen floors. the occasional no heat. or the more often sweltering temperature that made the photos on my walls curl up and fall off and me super not fun sweats-ville u.s.a. the weird thump thump thump music late at night. the most awkward pound on the door with no notice janitor ever. more assorted bugs.

but i will miss you. that's my point old apartment. not all of you of course... but the memories old apartment, the memories....

p.s. so long sucker!!!

kisses,
lesley

2010-02-21T19:55:00.000-08:00

dear lynda barry,

gosh! what to say?! this letter is long overdue. i used to be quite a fan of writing celebrities letters when i was younger. i still blush thinking about it. oh boy. i even sent my awkward high school poetry once to an unnamed celebrity. talk about mortifying!

anyways, i think the way of the snail mail fan letter is unfortunately disappearing as everything is done via email now and days. twittering and whatnot. heck i am writing this letter on the computer!

but now and days one of the only times i get star struck are with writers who i connect with their work. if ever i see them in person it's like i just don't know how to express my appreciation. to be honest i even rewrote this letter to you already a few times!

i wish i would have read your stuff earlier on in life. books have always made me catch a strong sniff of all the possibilities that are out there in the world. lives to be lived. experiences to have. people to know. people to love. ways to change the world. make things better. its like lying in bed and hearing airplanes fly over with their lonely hum at night. how it makes you feel so small in your bed. but also alive in the way of knowing there is a whole huge world out there that just keeps on keeping on. and you there awake. listening to its voice.

your books make me feel understood. make me sad in that good way of knowing that there are others out there who feel sometimes bummed out. different. who want to connect as human beings. who have had less than marvelous childhoods. who take that early feeling of loneliness and carry it around with them always but who through it, try to reach out and touch another and make things not feel so alone for everyone.

your books make me cry. make me laugh out loud. make me go to sleep more easy. make my brain buzz with excitement.
and i love when parts from books become memories like they are your own past and you feel nostalgic for them in the same way. your stuff makes me feel like that too.

maybe one day i will meet you in person. and be speechless of course.
maybe i will find your address in a non-stalker type way and send you an actual snail mail letter.
but for sure i will keep reading your stuff and you will keep creating it. and isn't that just as miraculous as can be.

lynda barry, you are groove-tastic. you are magic. indeed!

thank you!

sincerely,
lesley kartali

2010-02-13T20:12:00.001-08:00

dear cigarettes (particularly u.s.a. gold full flavors),

remember my dears when you were just $1.77 a pack? when i was in high school. and worked at drug mart. and would put my loose change towards you rather then buy food for break at work. remember those virginia slim 120s that i would cheat on you with occasionally when taking my breaks with the older women i worked with there? remember that corn cob pipe i bought when i turned 18 and smoked for like no time at all cause it was odd and not that great??

yeah, i have said that famous brokeback mountain line "i wish i could quit you" to you many a time. and i have. sometimes for months at a time. but i keep coming back to your sick sweetness.
i can say at least i don't smoke two-ish packs like i used to back at antioch or all those nasty cigars i smoked just as frequently in high school. yucks-ville. my lungs were pissed at me then.

perhaps one day....i will quit you for good. but something gets me thinking that i will always enjoy you occasionally. after a cup of coffee. after a big meal. whilst drinking.
i wish i could say i don't see you in my future, but that doesn't feel true. maybe i will wise up one day. get real and drop you like the addiction you are. but for now, sweet sweet cigarettes, you are one of my few vices. and such a dear satisfying vice you are.

as oscar wilde said: "a cigarette is the perfect type of a perfect pleasure. it is exquisite and it leaves one unsatisfied. what more can one want?"

semi-regretfully,
lesley

2010-02-08T23:42:00.001-08:00

dear kristi,

i wish that you would write me back. i hope the letter i sent was to the right kristi and got to you. you helped me out so much when i was in portland. i could never thank you enough. things would've turned out very differently if it weren't for you. i would have never seen the light at the end of the tunnel. but i did because i saw it in you. you have me hope that one can go through hard rough times and still turn out to be an amazing bad ass kind person who every day makes a difference in other people's lives. you took me out for gelato that one day on break from work and just told it like it was. and i needed that. and i am thankful for that every day since then. i wish that we would not have fallen out of touch. but wherever you are i hope that you are healthy and living a great life every moment. i hope that you somehow know how much you changed my life. i hope that you are getting everything you always deserved. i hope that somehow that good you gave me is returned to you a million fold. i love you and i love what you mean to me. i hope one day that i can see you again and tell you all this. but until that day, i hope somehow someway you know.

all my heart,
lesley

2010-02-08T23:38:00.000-08:00

dear foot long poo,

i had you.

p.s. i know. i know. definitely too much information. but hey it's 1:40 a.m. and everything seems ok to say at this hour.

wishing i could get away with being anonymous for this particular letter,
lesley

2010-02-08T23:30:00.001-08:00

dear the quiet of the city at night and early in the morning,

sometimes i can not believe how quiet you are. in my apartment there is mostly always street noise, cars and drunks and whatnot. but when i am walking along your side streets going to work or elsewhere, like tonight, and i am listening to my ipod, it is like the silence gets real loud presses in on my ears and i have to shut off my music just to listen. of course you aren't crystal clear quiet always. in the mornings there are the crazy squirrels that make ungodly noises whilst eating their peanuts and assorted apples and scraps and things. and the birds lately in the trees even though it is definitely not spring yet. but sometimes i don't pass even a single person or car. that dead. and thinking of all the thousands millions of people snug in their beds makes me feel special still being up and also makes me want to be snuggled up too. warm and cozy. sleep face. it is neat to think of how everyone sleeps at some point. that it is one of the things we all do. it is one of those things that if you think about a person doing, it makes them seem so human. another thing is watching anyone eat an ice cream cone. another thing is watching someone eat alone at a restaurant. another thing is thinking of someone as a child.
anyways, all that to say, i am impressed city. constantly.

yours,
lesley d.

2010-02-03T13:21:00.000-08:00

dear anna from the post office in nyc,

today i was in the post office in san francisco and it made me think of you. you were so super nice and totally my hero the fall of 2004 when i lived in new york city, i was being sexually harrassed by an employee who worked at the same post office as you. you noticed this and one day when i came to the post office ( i had to go several times a week as part of my job) you said to me that any time i came to the post office i should always wait for your window to come available and you'd take care of me so that i wouldn't accidentally end up having to deal with the creepy sexual harrasser. it was one of the kindest, coolest, and downright sisterhood-is-powerful things any stranger has ever done for me. so thank you anna, truly, with all my big heart. i hope that wherever you are you are well and happy and being treated with the same kindness that you showed me. right on sister.

love,
gina

2010-01-30T20:15:00.000-08:00

dear hope,

letter # infinity right!? i am always writing you. and you so sweet to write me back in small gestures that make me just mushy face. right now you are purring gently, stretching your two skinny chicken arms out, your head curled in. your two paws which look hysterically cute with their boot/mittens of fur pressed against my arm.

i suppose if you stop and really feel most moments it feels this amazing. but maybe it is the smallest things like this. right now. that manage to sneak their way in most effectively.

how lovely u are for reminding me.

xoxo
you know who!

2010-01-30T19:40:00.000-08:00

dear regina spektor song "hero",

i don't know why i am stuck on you...but let's face it, i am. for good or for horrible, many many songs get stuck in my head day in and day out. so much that i am convinced that there is a jukebox somewhere that is wired to my brain and whatever gets played pops up in my head. which would explain the total utter randomness of some songs and the regular playing of others.
and the general weirdness of the selections. anyways, you happen to be one of the free will songs. that are stuck there due to my endless playing of you. because you are sweet like that. until i play u so much i need to delete u from my ipod. but it will be awhile before then i am sure. so until then thanks for not getting tired of me!

yours (for now),
lesley

p.s. http://www.filestube.com/733b1e3ec56cd7e203e9/details.html to listen

2010-01-29T19:47:00.000-08:00

dear pretty early morning almost full moon,

you know how sometimes things make you feel both lonely and yet not so alone in the world after all somehow at the exact same moment? that sense of incredible solitude even among the masses of people. and yet that warm feeling that something is always out there looking down at you. no matter what.

driving back from the airport this morning with your brilliance still in the sky and the clouds just barely covering you like halloween style, yes made me feel just that...

also made me feel that kind of all over quiet that is so familiar to the very early mornings. even in the city. the extreme cold making everything crisper and about to snap.

and tonight moony, you are the fullest moon of the year. and even mars is showing itself. and i wanna brave the cold again to take a look, but somehow i don't think it will make me swoon as much as you did with your regular old self this morning.

lesley

p.s. one day i'll make it to you! just like in my dream..

2010-01-25T22:20:00.000-08:00

dear quotations,

oh how adore thee. so much that i put one of you on my arm forevs style. today i am feeling particularly drawn to this one: "a poem...begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness...it finds the thought and the thought finds the words." robert frost. see what i mean? and i don't even like robert frost. see how great you are? the idea that one sentence. a few words. could leave you breathless. or thinking for the rest of the day. short and sweet you are. in your face. that's why i dig you so. you sass buckets you.

swooningly,
l.d.

2010-01-25T22:19:00.001-08:00

dear stomach virus,

you.
suck.

your nemesis,
lesley danger kartali

2010-01-17T22:54:00.000-08:00

dear dollar store,

no matter what your name is, family dollar, dollar tree, everythings a dollar! i will always love you. you know...i loathe shopping. when i used to go with my mom i could barely stand up after like 10 minutes for the immense weight of hatred i had of being in department stores for that long. i literally could feel my life force draining away.

yet dollar store, ever since you first came into my life...and i couldn't even really say when that was, because well...our love seems so timeless.. i just really can't get enough of cruising down your aisles with a plastic basket in hand.
most stores could not persuade me to purchase their items even if they paid me. large sums of money. but all you have to do is say, here... look at me on the shelf. a plant self-watering bulb. a paper grab bag full of surprises. a bright sky blue towel. assorted color by numbers. a cd of pan pipe music. and i'm head over heels sold.

i mean what can i say? you are the only one for me!

xoxoxoxoxoxo
lesley

p.s. i don't even care if you flirt around with prices other then a dollar (and i know now and days you do...quite often...)

2010-01-17T22:43:00.000-08:00

dear trip on the train and bus yesterday,

wow! you were a fascinating people watching time! which says a lot since i got all the good people watching necessary right here looking out my apartment window. with a bar below and a bus stop across the way..

i mean... there was that one guy who, whilst watching himself in the train door, danced around wild eyed moving his body kind of snake like. with a very serious look on his face.
and then there was that younger guy who within probably 60 seconds ate an orange, a banana, a yogurt, a granola bar, all while texting. also, there was that man on the bus who took off his glove just to pick his nose with every single finger of his hand. blatantly in front of everyone.
(not to say i disapprove of such behavior...though perhaps i do frown upon then standing up to hold the hand bar with yr newly boogered hand)
but a definite shout out to going new places and seeing new parts of town. tho such adventures shall not last for long since they are raising your fares soon.

gratefully,
lesley

2010-01-15T16:53:00.001-08:00

dear evening of good wine and thai food and smoking lot of cigarettes and hanging out with a great friend,

it's been one of those weeks, my darling evening. and i am feeling like i am in serious need of your reckless over the top ways. and though it isn't mine...it is certainly someone's end of the work week. so, let's celebrate! bring it on!! it has been quite a while. too long, i might say. so just wanted to drop you a note and say i'm on my way.

so....have another? you say.
why yes, my dear evening.
i like your style.

hearts,
lesle d.

2010-01-15T16:45:00.000-08:00

dear guy who almost ran a stop sign and hit me yesterday morning,

one of the most annoying things has got to be early morning walking to work when some yo yo in their own morning haze almost runs you down at the stop sign. so you, sir, you almost...just almost... qualified as one of these special certified douchebag faces.

however... your very surprised look, the cigarette hanging out of your mouth that almost fell out when you yelled out the window to me, something i could not really understand (most likely because of the cigarette in your mouth)...but it sounded like "sorry dude!" or else "sorry, i am dumb." or..."sorry i am drunk" (hopefully not this last one). you definitely said sorry though. which is more then most. and you practically hit your head on your ceiling jumping up when you slammed on the brakes. which was also just very funny.

so i definitely got a chuckle, though almost being a pancake. but you are skating on thin ice buddy. pay attention.

mr. d.

2010-01-13T13:39:00.001-08:00

dear weirdly nice sunny cool winter day,

you made me hang my bare feet off the bed and almost... just almost... feel like it is spring again with the cool breeze blowing in from my thrown-open windows and running around my ankles and stirring my leg hair.

also, you had the effect on me of taking my hat off and slinging my scarf over my shoulder on my walk home from work. and my little ears didn't even freeze!

smiles,
lesley

p.s. you could stay awhile.....you know. if you wanted.....

2010-01-13T13:23:00.000-08:00

Dear Scabs,

You are awesome and have crazy eyebrows:

and I think you kind of rock.

But you know how you climb the tree and come up on my roof EVERY single night after I get home from work? And you know how I'm a sucker and open the door and let you play in my hallway with the crinkle-mouse for like 10 minutes and then put you back outside and then 2 minutes later you're back up on the roof again and I ignore you for a while but then you happen to see me sneak by the curtains and you start meowing and I bring you in again just cuz I feel bad cuz it's cold and you are a dummi just sitting there collecting snow and I take you back down and put you forcibly in the cat shelter and then TWO MINUTES LATER YOU'RE BACK ON THE ROOF AGAIN and I decide it's time for tough love and ignore you so then you meow a tthe top of your lungs until I worry my neighbor's gonna get pissed and (mrrrrrrrrf) I take you downstairs again and back out and then TWO MINUTES LATER, you guessed it, you're back on the roof again so I pour myself a glass of wine and run a hot bath and sit in the bathtub with music playing so loudly so I can't hear you meowing and finally you go away but not before getting Zooey all crazy so I have to listen to her play screaming-ball at the top of her lungs when I really really REALLY just wanna relax and then finally it's bedtime and I'm like "yay quiet!" until you decide to show back up on my roof at 2:30 a.m. and do it again? Well, yeah, if you could stop that, that would be AWESOME. Cause it kind of makes me feel like I'm in a really short and catty-version of GROUNDHOG'S DAY.

Sincerely,

Lauren

Admirer of Your Brows and Wisher That'd You'd Just SLEEP IN THE DAMN CAT SHELTER

2010-01-12T19:08:00.000-08:00

dear use of an air horn sound effect in pop (more specifically hip hop) songs,

come on....lay off. it's getting old already.

p.s. lil wayne, your voice is too.

regretfully,

lesley

2010-01-12T12:17:00.000-08:00

dear the phrase "love loaf",

you are probably my favoritest new phrase. i didn't make you up but i will use you all the time. as in "what a little love loaf!!" and "she is just the love loafiest."

you also got me thinking of the various phrases i've used throughout the years. a lot of them came and went. for xample: saying "what are you...nuts?" all the time for like a year in high school. some of them stuck: using the made up word "risey" so much i forget it isn't an actual word. some of them i wish still were around: me and katie and abby saying "spaaace" whenever it needed to be said.

anyways, to use another current fave, i am "jazzed" about having a new fave!!

l

2010-01-12T12:12:00.001-08:00

dear my sooo wrinkly skin sweets,

could it possibly get any cuter? no. i think not.

your not so secret admirer,
lesley

p.s. you are wearing boots!

2010-01-11T12:16:00.001-08:00

dear my darling cat hope,

thanks for being such a sweetie about all this vet visit stuff. and not ripping my arm off when i had to get you in the carrier. i hope they treated you well today and i am so excited to see you and your new lion's cut. you are going to have the chickenest legs ever i just know it! you are such a great sport even when i had to lug you back and forth due to the vet's incompetency. you know you could stamp on their idiocy like you do with your catnip bag or any bag in general. but you don't cause you are that sweet.

and you know i don't even mind that you poop all over my couches and bed and apartment. because you look like you are in a trance when you poop and make such a cute face it's really hard to be mad. even when i have to buy paper towels in bulk. i know it's been said that you realize you truly love someone when you see them at their worst and so regardless if you crap all over my apartment still, i will love you till you get old and grey and grumpy. well grumpier then you already are :) it has been six months since i brought you home and every day is such a treat. i can't wait to have your sass butt back home. see you soon!!

your biggest fan,
lesley

2010-01-10T16:41:00.001-08:00

dear dog that was taking a crap in the snow and wearing a sweater with a skull and crossbones on the back,

hellllllllllllllll yeah!!

admiring,
lesley

2010-01-10T16:37:00.000-08:00

dear yellow balloon that was rolling around in the snow outside my apartment door when i left for work in the morning,

well how'd you know you are just my favoritest color in the whole world? and how the heck are you still inflated with it being like negative a million degrees? it's like the sun which wasn't even up in the sky yet got mini and loose. all for my delight. and let me tell you, there is usually not much delight happening on five hours of sleep and 6 a.m. in the morning. know what i mean :) ?....

yours,
lesley

2010-01-10T16:29:00.000-08:00

dear the gossip,
a gazillion thanks for your newest album "music for men". i liked you before, rocked out to an occasional random song of yours. beth ditto, i even have a picture of you on my wall. an article that you wrote in bust magazine. but this is the first time i've really found myself quite smitten. people say this album is more disco...i am not sure what that means really...and i don't think it is that true, since i am not disco's biggest fan. but i have said to myself "man...i really dig this cd". and isn't "dig it" a phrase they used back then? maybe? point being, i've been jammin out like mad to it at work on my little ipod. point being even more, it's all fabulous. just fabulous. every last damn song. and when's the last time i liked listening to a whole entire cd? probably something cat power. regardless...it's been a while. thanks for making some delicious beats for my little ears.

sincerely,
lesley d.